that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize