whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize