i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
