Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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