I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i drank out of a bidet.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize