just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
