Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need water and some morals
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
