No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
