I'm really into asian looking animals
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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