Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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