Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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