oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
