it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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