Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
