even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
