Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think my moral compass just broke
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
