he wants to bone in the snuggie
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
