i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
