I wannas sexs uuuuu
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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