Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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