i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She bit a glass in half.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
