What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
