Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
