But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
