I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize