oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
