sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
