Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
