So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
