I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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