we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
