If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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