A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will pee on everything he values.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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