That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
