Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
