Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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