singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
