I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
