i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
