I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
