I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
