just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
