So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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