How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
