its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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