remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
soo... how was my night?
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