i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
