my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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