what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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