I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
