I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize