I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
