Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
