so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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