Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
