So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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