It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
