When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
