Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
