either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
