apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
