awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
