hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
