My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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