I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
