he thought i was a dude.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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