you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
