just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
